Works in progress

from Flickr by pmarkham

I now have 7 blog posts that I am constructing. All of which are still in fragmented thoughts. I would put up my stream of consciousness writing but it seems to incomprehensible, even to it’s author.

More posts shall come soon, I promise.

 

Couch time – in a different way

My house mates and I have a couch on our verandah that we have called “The Beer Couch”, mainly because it was one of the housemates old couch at her previous place and they were only allowed to drink beer on it. We now can drink whatever we like on it (currently I’m sipping a lovely Shiraz) but it holds greater value than just a place to drink beverages, rather it has become for us a place to think deeply, reflect, and mostly debrief about life. One of the great things about this couch is that we can sit and chat about the joys, sorrows, and confusions of life.

It has provided myself with a place to purposefully sit and reflect on my life and focus on what really matters to me. I have had some really confronting moments on this couch and also some great laughs. I think for me it has become the place where I deal with the big issues with God. Not that there needs to be a specific place for me to do this, but in the great hecticness of life I find it helpful to have somewehere that I know I feel safe to open my heart, mind, and soul to God and where I know I won’t be distracted from this purpose.

from Flickr by Philipp Klinger (thanks for 3.333.333 views!!!)

One of the best things about this couch is that it is really low to the ground and our balcony has a brick wall on it, which basically means if you want to gaze out, you must look up to the sky. I am constantly reminded that God is big, mighty, and much more powerful than I have been acknowledging in my life. It makes me feel small in this large universe and reminds me of God’s great love to this small being of no significance to the rest of the world. And yet, through all my insignificance he counts me more than significant. He counts me so significant that he counts my sinful soul free, looks on Jesus and pardons me. The great unchangeable I AM, the king of glory and of grace purchased my life by Jesus’ blood. Jesus Christ, my Savior and my God, is the one who knew no sin but took on sin so that I might become the righteousness of God. No greater love is there but God’s, for God is love. Praise the risen Lord Jesus.

 

Coffee coffee coffee

Thankyou Jesus for coffee.

 

Come and share your master’s happiness

from Flickr by Allen Rendell

In Matthew’s account of Jesus’ life here on earth, he shares with us an incredible parable that Jesus told his disciples just before he was about to die. He shared with them the parable of the talents (matt 25:14-30).

The story goes that a master entrusted money to three of his servants, each according to their ability. The master then went away, and as he was away the servants were to steward the gold entrusted to them. Two of the servants put the gold to work and increased in wealth over the period their master was away. The third servant, the one who was given only one bag of gold, dug a hole, buried the bag of gold, and waited for the master to return. When the master returned he congratulated the two servants on increasing in wealth and he rebuked the ‘wicked and lazy’ servant who buried the bag of gold because he had not used what he was given in a good way, rather he was lazy and made excuses for his laziness.

This is what we usually read of the story anyway. But in Bible Study tonight I felt my eyes and heart drawn to what the master said to his servants who put his gold to work. The master says to them:

“Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share you master’s happiness.”

This really struck me when I read it, not because of the ‘well done, good and faithful servant’ bit, but because of the last line there.

“Come and share your master’s happiness.”

It is this joy, this pleasure, this happiness, that only comes from serving that I find myself losing confidence in. God’s promise of a joy and peace in serving faithfully and patiently is such a blessing and yet in so many ways incomprehensible.

I am finding that more and more I am mistaking the blessings that God has lavished on me as burdens on ministry. I am astonished at my lack of thankfulness. It pains me that I can take my eyes off my Lord and Saviour and be distracted from the day of his return. It is only when I drop my gaze that I lose this joy from serving. And it is when I drop my gaze that serving becomes not about God, but about me.

But unfailingly, God gently lifts my chin with his soft hand, slowly but ever so evidently lifting my eyes to look at the cross and it is in these humbling moments that I can do nothing but drop to my knees, open my eyes, and cry out in exasperation for his mercy, love, and grace. God’s gentle, gracious, and patient leading continues to leave me in awe of his perseverance. There is no reason for him to love me because I sin and turn from him, but he chooses to pursue me, to care for me, and to love me so much that he was and is willing to send his Son, Jesus, to be crucified for my sins. All my sin, all my guilt, all my pride has been taken away and has been replaced with Christ. His steadfast love overpowers all my iniquity and restores me in righteousness before himself.

What love, mercy, grace, righteousness, patience, humility, purity, peace, gentleness, faithfulness, and what joy it is to know that my Creator loves me and that he has not abandoned me but keeps me in his gaze constantly.

from Flickr by B℮n

“Come and share your master’s happiness” is God’s call to us to serve him with a willing, a cheerful, and a thankful heart. Not because he demands it of us, but because he has died for us and has entrusted us with a greater bag than that of gold. He has given us a life. He has given us people to care for. He has given us opportunities to take hold of. He has given us minds to think. He has given us hands to use. He has given us feet to move. He has given us abilities to use. And most importantly, he has given us hearts to love. The object of our service should be to love God and thus receive as a reward the great joy that he experiences to see us serve with hearts filled with his love.

My prayer is that we would not forget this joy but rather that we would strive for it. That our every moment would be used in love and service of him who created us to do just that.

Amen.

 

My prayer.

from Flickr by simpologist

I want to serve and love with all my life:

• wherever
• whenever
• with whom ever

you choose

I give my life over to you to use in whatever way you want.

I let go of it all because I know that you are good and that you love me deeply and forever.

I want to make a different for your glory Lord.

I want to be zealous, passionate, compassionate and filled with joy by your Spirit.

I want to work hard for your glory and pleasure.

 

Jump.

A reflection after the Barneys Women’s Event for 2009 – “He loves me! He loves me not?”

I have been feeling more and more that I am not living the kind of life God wants me to be living. He desires for me to pour out my soul to him and I have not been turning to him for my strength, my hope, and my help.

I have been convicted that this is not what God wants for me and that I need to change. In fact, he has already been changing me. His transforming power has taken over my soul and even before I come before him, he has known what I need and has provided it. He is powerfully at work and I’m slowly learning to obey his voice and learning to move when I’m asked by him.

from Flickr by Ecks Y Z

I feel incapable to do any of this without him and know that it is his Spirit at work in and through me. He is shaping me, molding me, and preparing me. I am still unsure for what purpose but I am putting my life into his hands and giving myself over to his work. I am prepared to go anywhere for him and do anything, unreservedly. I know that this path is windy, narrow, steep and filled with uncertainties but God has put within me a willing spirit.

Recently my heart has been moved by those in need, those in persecution, and those for whom life is consumed only by the day-to-day, with no hope for the life after this one. I don’t know if this is just God revealing to me his great love for these people but I know that I want to serve and thus want to be equipped to serve them.

I want to know the urgency and have the heart of God to know how to love people best. I want to want the things God wants and to use the gifts that he has given me to do his will.

I know his plan is far greater than I can imagine and I know that he will work through me by his Spirit. I am praying for this to be evident in my life by the fruitfulness only he can bring. He will give me the confidence, the courage, and the boldness to proclaim his great and holy name, lordship, and love to all.

I wonder do you want and pray this too?

Jump.

 

Frustration of the day…

I have been blessed (some would say cursed) with amazingly straight hair. This lends itself to great things like not actually having to care all that much about my hair because it is perfectly straight every day. But, as a girl, and as a human, I tend to get quite frustrated when I can not get my hair to do this:

from Flickr by AjayOwen

or even something like this:

from Flickr by Charlene6

I do realise that I should be happy with what I have and that a lot of people would love to have my hair, but I find it very boring, and extremely frustrating that the only time curls work for me is when a hair dresser does it. They make it look so simple too! But I get home and attempt the same feat and fail terribly.

I guess I must just accept the fact that I shall never have curls…unless I get a perm… thoughts?

 

Books on buses.

from Flickr by Vintage Pleasure

I’ve set myself the goal of reading a chapter of a book a day. This has unfortunately failed so far, but I’m hoping that as I continue to read that I’ll continue to be able to improve my reading capability and actually read faster and more.

I’ve just finished Bonhoeffer’s ‘Cost of Discipleship’ and have started Tom Wright’s ‘Surprised by Hope’. By my reckoning I’ll be done in about 30 days…

One of the reasons why I want to be reading is because I’ve been constantly struck by people’s wealth of knowledge and just the amount of topics that I talk about in a week is extraordinary. Thus, I do not want to be uninformed and ignorant of what I’m talking about. I want to read an array of things both fiction and non-fiction so if you have any suggestions please recommend them to me and I will add them to my ever-growing list.

Much appreciated!

 

Friends

from Flickr by wentloog

I’ve been thinking about the balance of work and friends. I think a lot of the time I don’t end up hanging out with my own friends on the weekend because ‘my friends’ are also ‘work people’. I don’t have old friends from ages past who know me well because they all live back in the country and I haven’t really kept in touch. So what do I do? I find myself floating on the edge of about 5 groups, all of which usually overlap with work, and none of which I’m necessarily a driving force in, so it is easy to pull back. Which then means I’m not as connected, as involved, or as supported as I need to be, and I’m not engaging with people honestly.
What do we consider to be friends? Why do we search out the relationships we have? What do we bond over? What do we connect through? All these questions reflect our great desire to be in relationship. We were made in God’s image and God exists in relationship, thus it is a good thing to desire that connection we feel with people when we are friends with them. But why does that lonely feeling still seem to surround and envelope when we retract from our friends?

If we believe that God’s Spirit dwells within us, connects us to the Father through the Son, how then can we ever feel lonely? Our consciousness tells us that we are alone, but in reality, God is always with us. Why do we not turn to him for companionship and friendship then? Should we? Can we?

If we surround ourselves with friends, whether in quality or quantity, what then does this mean for us? Are we bound to feel more lonely when they are gone? And this is nothing to say of the selfishness that encompasses this thought of ‘where are MY friends?’ and ‘why am I lonely?’
Is there in fact a deliberate move away from the reality of relationship that is servant-heartedness and towards a consumerist view of friendship? Are we (and in this I’m mainly talking to myself) treating our friendships as something that we take from and not give to? Or is it (for me at least) a pull for some kind of connectedness and care for myself because we give so much in our relationships? Are we giving all and not receiving? Are we expecting to receive something in return in our friendships? What do we expect?

 

Learning all of lessons unlearned.

Want to lose this feeling.
This loneliness.
This weakness.
Great loss.
Great hopelessness.
Coming before you.
Look into my mind and what you’ll find you won’t want to see.
Clinging to reality.
Letting go of mindless wonders.
Slipping down the chasm.
Light encloses.
Darkness now does not exist.
Shadows fade.
Opening out.
Begin a process now.
Learning all of lessons unlearned.